So what are the biggest enemies of online sales? What can you do to drive away even the most dedicated customers from your website? Are you already doing any of these things to make sure your business struggles? Maybe all of them? Let’s dive in and see how we could perfect the art of failure.

1. The Store Interface

The real secret of a failed online business lies in the sales platform. Choose something that’s hard to maintain, runs on a slow server, and loads painfully slowly—preferably like a 1990s dial-up modem. Who doesn’t love waiting in line? Recreate that nostalgic experience for your visitors as well.

Avoid popular platforms like Shopify or WooCommerce. Instead, pick something with very limited functionality, no reliable developer community behind it, and preferably a high price tag (because price is the only metric that matters, right?).

Also make sure your domain name supports your mission of failure. It should perfectly describe what you want to sell (even though you probably won’t). Something like:
www.buy-the-perfect-black-slippers-that-match-everything.com

Make it extremely long, remove special characters if possible, and add as many hyphens as the system allows.